Self-Regulation - The Name of the Game

I had to delete a post today.  This was the first time ever.  It is a notable moment in the short timeline of this project.

It was something provocative, I knew it would be.  It was an image of the "Egyptian Revolution" juxtaposed with an image from the "Baltimore Riots."  They were essentially the same photo and I was hoping to play on media portrayal and the power of words to distort or inspire something.  It had the word shit in it... and the person who wrote the post devolved into some bull-ish language.  It was not ideal but the sentiment was spot on so I posted it because of trying to be authentic to myself and to messages that I think are important..

I took it down a day later not because I disagree with the message, I took it down because I was just hired as a Curate to a very rich, White church and I was afraid that they would be so utterly offended that they would rethink their decision.

Now, I'm in a weird place that I have never been in before because I have not had an online presence.  I want to be authentic to myself, but I am fearful because the community I have been called to serve is way more conservative than me.  I do feel called to this place, they are great people, do great work and are hungry to know more about God.  I know that we're going to learn a lot from each other.  I am still measured with the congregation as I suspect I always will be with them.  I'm from a different world and I know not to expect the radical liberalism that I am frankly more comfortable with and so  in person and preaching I have yet to push them too hard - but push I have and they have been receptive!   Even so, I am worried about compromising my beliefs and passion too much.

I don't really know how much is too much of either compromise or activism.  I don't want to be benign or have a vanilla online persona.  That is unhelpful and riddled with pitfalls too - being inauthentic and irrelevant the biggest two I can think of.  This feels uncomfortable and frightening and I just pray and hope I don't screw this up.

... This is one of those days that I am wishing that my project was something along the lines of creating an online how-to video of "Braiding for Jesus."

First Hiccup.

2 Posting things about my life on the internet has always unnerved me.  There's so many things to consider and rather than consider these things, I've liked to just be a social media voyeur.  For me it's been safer, easier and still entertaining.  

It turns out that my fears had some basis.  Early on in this project as I was trying to get myself kickstarted into posting things on social media  I posted a picture commenting on this ordination journey. There were numerous intentions behind this post and I was trying to efficient with my time.  To really make this social media platform work for me.  

My intentions behind this post were:

1. To thank the church community that has sponsored me in the process but that I do not get to see much. 

2. To take a risk and share something of my journey - the whole point of this assignment and lastly, 

3. To do my homework and actually do the work of this project by actually posting on social media.

Simple right?  Wrong!!

The concerns that I have had surrounding authentic posts being twisted actually materialized.  I got two messages from family members who were a bit upset and confused that they had not heard anything first before it was posted on facebook.  I know that's silly and I should be happy that people care and love me enough to want to be involved in my life, but the truth is I actually had nothing serious to share, and now I was in a position to feel uncomfortably defensive about nothing!  My first thought when I read the text message that began with "well missy..." was this is why I don't post things! 

I know there is an etiquette to social media, but I hadn't crossed any bounds and yet I was still getting some heat.  I guess this is par for the course.  People interpret and read into postings and it is naive to think that they will all be understood and embraced.  Having an online persona requires patience and a little bit of thick skin.  I will continue to work on fostering both as my online career continues to take root and grow...

I can't lie though, it was a lot easier when I never posted anything!!

Last one in is a rotten egg!

Becoming a contributing member of my internet community has been a lot harder than I imagined it would be and this whole project has been harder to kickstart than I expected.  The reasons for such I would like to provide in list form.*  

TOP 5 REASONS “JOINING” THE INTERNET IS HARD.

1.       Jet Lag is real and Holy Week is not for the faint of heart.  I had intended and agreed to start posting information the first week back from Spring Break.  I got home Holy Wednesday from Istanbul and then it was a mad dash to keep up with the Holy Week Liturgies and for some reason that for me requires full focus.  On Good Friday I took pictures of the cross and sanctuary during the Tenebrae service intending to share on Instagram.  My phone still has the pictures, but I forgot mid project that I was posting.  It was not a conscious decision, I literally forgot the pictures were there and that I had had a plan for them.  The big take away that week – I do not have a posting instinct at all.

2.       The Oppressive Pressure to be Clever and/or Witty.  I want all my posts to be worth someone’s time and often I can’t think of anything particularly interesting or hilarious to share – so I won’t want to… and then I don’t.  I want my internet persona to be like the cool girl in the cafeteria – down to earth and funny; only speaks when she has something to say and in between sips of chocolate milk. Oh the pressure!!!

3.       I don’t want people in my business.  I am a pretty private person and I don’t want the randoms in my life to know what is going on.  That is a pretty self-absorbed reason I know, but it’s still true.

4.       I am forgetful.  I get myself already to make a posting, I take pictures in preparation to post… and then the squirrel effect happens.  Something happens in the moment and I get completely distracted and forgot that I was in the middle of posting something; then by the time I return to my posting the moment has passed and I think that the posting is no longer timely or clever… two things that are essential for something to be a good post in my opinion.

5.       It is a place to voice serious concerns and yet I don’t know if I have the time or energy to engage responsibly in that way.  I know its irresponsible to just take random stands on facebook and just walk away.  The internet is useful for education, not just riling people up and I want to make sure to do both but responsibly and I question whether I have the emotional energy for that right now.

*I have written this in list format for two reasons. 1.) I love reading internet lists; and 2.) When I was researching the best naming strategies for blogs, they suggested that blogs that list things or teach things get the most traction.  This post doesn’t teach… but it lists.